| seriously. what the fuck. |
[21 Nov 2006|10:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
what the hell is WRONG with me? WHY do I KNOW that i have someone that would do ANYTHING for me and i STILL want to be with someone who couldn't care LESS about me anymore? what the FUCK? and i sit either on my way home from work or at home alone and all i can think about is how i want to be with shawn, how shawn used to be like this, or used to do that, and i get so mad! why does it get to me so much STILL? why can't i just get over all of this and get on with my life? why do i get my hopes up only to find out that they're going to be shot to hell when he decides that i'm not worth the time? what the HELL is wrong with me?
|
|
| wow. |
[28 Jan 2006|11:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
i've never been the kind to really believe in love at first sight. but holy shit. if there is such a thing, i had it two nights ago. beautiful, fun night. and i don't ever want to forget it.
|
|
| MOVIES!! |
[06 Mar 2005|09:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
so the ones with the x's are the ones that i've seen. yeah, i'm a dork, and i'm bored. sue me.
( )Napoleon Dynamite
(x)Saw...did anyone else HATE it?
(x)white Noise...i was really upset that BATMAN died at the end.
(x)Anger Managment
(x)50 First Dates--this one depressed me.
( )Jason X
(x)Scream
(x)Scream 2
(x)Scream 3
(x)Scary Movie
(x)Scary Movie 2
(x)Scary Movie 3
(x)American Pie
(x)American Pie 2
(x)American Wedding---do you know how many times i'm told i look like the band camp girl?
(x)Harry Potter
(x)Harry Potter 2
(x)Harry Potter 3
(x)The Wedding Singer
( )Little Black Book
(x)The Village
( )Donnie Darko
(x)Lilo & Stitch
(x)Finding Nemo---best movie EVER!
( )Finding Neverland
(x)13 Ghosts
( )Signs
(x)The Grudge
(x)Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( )White Chicks
(x)Butterfly Effect
(x)Thirteen
( )I Robot
( )Dodgeball
( )A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( )Along Came A Spider
(x)KingPin
(x)Never Been Kissed
(x)Meet The Parents
(x)Meet The Fockers
( )Eight Crazy Nights
(x)A Cinderella Story
( )The Terminal
( )The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( )Passport To Paris
(x)Dumb & Dumber
( )Dumb & Dumberer
(x)Final Destination
(x)Final Destination 2
(x)Requiem for a Dream
( )Halloween
(x)The Ring
(x)Practical Magic
(x)Chicago
( )Ghost Ship
( )From Hell
( )Hellboy
(x)Secret Window
( )I Am Sam
(x)The Whole Nine Yards
(x)The Day After Tomorrow
(x)Child's Play
(x)Bride of Chucky
(x)Ten Things I Hate About You
( )Just Married
(x)Gothika
(x)A Nightmare on Elm Street
(x)Sixteen Candles.
(x)Joy Ride
(x)Seven
( )Identity
( )Lone Star
( )Cujo
(x)A Bronx Tale
(x)Darkness Falls
( )Christine
( )IT
( )Children of the Corn
(x)Maid in Manhattan
(x)Frailty
( )How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x)She's All That
( ) Calender Girls
( )Sideways
(x)Ever After
(x)Forrest Gump
( )Big Trouble in Little China
(x)Jeepers Creepers
( )Jeepers Creepers 2
(x)Catch Me If You Can
(x)The Others
(x)Freaky Friday
( )Reign of Fire
(x)Cruel Intentions
(x)The Hot Chick
(x)Swimfan
(x)Old School
( )Ray
( )The Notebook
( )K-Pax
(x)Lord of the Rings
(x)Lord of the Rings 2
(x)Lord of the Rings 3
(x)Armaggedon
(x)X-men ---I LOVE HUGH JACKMAN!!
(x)X-2
( )Animal House
(x)Blues Brothers
(x)Ocean's 11
(x)Pirates of the Carribbean
(x)Matrix Trilogy
(x)Star Wars (original trilogy)
(x)New Star Wars trilogy
(x)Indiana Jones Trilogy
(x)Spiderman I and/or II
(x)Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x)Spaceballs
( )Blazing Saddles
( )Young Frankestein
(x)Cool World
(x)The Boondock Saints
(x)Clerks
(x)Mallrats
(x)Chasing Amy
(x)Dogma
(x)Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
(x)Office Space
(x)The Lion King.
(x)Good Will Hunting
(x)Either Bill and Ted
(x)Ghostbusters
(x)South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut
(x)Happy Gilmore
(x)Super Mario Brothers
(x)Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
( )M*A*S*H
( )Army of Darkness.
( )Last Samurai
( )Citzen Kane
yeah...i need to get a life.
|
|
| holy shit. |
[02 Mar 2005|08:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
numb |
] |
what do you do when you find out that the guy that was once the love of your life is gay??
i'm floored.
you would think i would be able to tell.
|
|
| ah....memories. |
[01 Mar 2005|11:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
okay...so we had a fundraiser for Marilyn on sunday. let me just tell you that i thought i had slipped through the spaces and fell into the twilight zone. shawn, melissa and i made our way to the wonderful world known as Glassboro (or as i like to call it...the boro of ASS) and i was so happy to see everyone, but then again, i felt completely awkward. and at first, i didn't know why. but then i think i figured it out --- a lot of the people that i saw were the EXACT same way they were when i left them a year ago...they're just serving at different restaurants. but i did have a little something to say about each and every poor slug that went there with me...but you never really notice how much you miss someone until you see them again after a long while. it's been a long year, and i think my heart grew a few sizes when i saw a lot of the G-rounders. AND...only one of them mentioned the dallas dipshit. i was impressed.
rich...wow. i missed him. he's so fragile yet so unbelievable. i don't think he ever really had a conversation with marilyn, yet he gave up his day to come and spend time with us. it was so nice of him.
mr and mrs harder...god, they're wonderful people. the only thing that was a bit weird was that mr harder was hitting on me profusely. but he was drunk, so i'll let it slide. they want to come visit me up here, and i think that's so amazing of them. it's so nice to see that you actually meant something to someone and they remember you even when you're far away. i love them.
rick and anne..."there's a teal lebaron that lives 2 houses down from us, and every time i see it, i think of you"---how cute is that!!!
pete...so HOT! and just as much the gentleman as he was when i met him! love him!!
alycia, katie, jen, nicole, rene, heather, nikki, donna, wendy...it was great to see them.
eddie, jason, roger, murph, katz, lance, lucas, jeff...i miss the parties, i miss the mayhem...
scott was there...the little fuck that couldn't give me a good recommendation at lonestar...he quit the place himself! thanks a lot dickface! i hate your guts....but it was still nice to see everyone.
so sunday proved to be a great day...and even though i missed a bowling party with the ruby's crew, i got to spend some quality and much needed time with my "family" and i couldn't be more grateful to everyone who made it so memorable.
i love you guys.
and i miss you all more than i could ever say.
|
|
| awww... |
[01 Feb 2005|11:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
it's funny how the smallest things can brighten up your day. i was at home, by myself *cue cheesy Celine Dion music* and my phone rang. it was after shawn went to bed, and he wasn't really all that receptive to anything i had to say today anyway, so i really didn't know who it would be. i look on the ID, and it's tom freakin' narcisi.
"hey sunshine! i just wanted to see how you were doing. i haven't heard from you in so long. wanted to make sure you were still alive."---tom
"oh yeah, i'm doing okay. can't complain, wouldn't really do much if i could."---me
we talked for only a few minutes, but the fact that he called me out of the blue made me happy.
"baby, i'm sorry, but i have to go to sleep. i don't want to be rude and fall asleep on the phone. but i'll call you tomorrow and we can catch up some more, okay?"---tom
"sure."---me
"okay sweetie. talk to you tomorrow then. sweet dreams."
wow.
i did miss hearing his voice.
and i think i needed that. i'm still his sunshine.
|
|
| annoyed at everything.... |
[26 Jan 2005|07:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
[x] name: Jessica Lynn Marie.
[x] birthday: 08*18*1981
[x] piercings: 2
[x] tattoos: 0
[x] hair color: red
[x] two things you are often complimented for:my hair and my smile.
[x] non-physical two?: i help with problems...and i'm very opinionated.
current...
[x] current clothes:white tank, black old navy velour suie
[x] current mood: annoyed
[x] current smell: halo
[x] current thing you ought to be doing: moving the fuck out of this house.
[x] current favorite song: since you been gone...kelly clarkson.
[x] current book: interview with the vampire..
[x] current refreshment: iced tea
[x] current worry: the people that i live with are friggin' crazy.
[x] current crush: don't have one. i'm in love. but what about the ones that have crushes on ME?
[x] current favorite celebrity: clive owen
random questions...
[x] what's up?: definitely not my mood
[x] who likes you: hmmm...dennis and erik...and tony...but i love my shawn.
[x] what annoys you: backstabbing, back talk, aunt kat.
[x] what do you want to do: move...i already said that.
[x] who is one person you never get sick of: shawn, sarah
[x] who is one person you would marry tomorrow: shawn...just waiting for the question.
[x] do you sleep on your back, stomach or side?: all of the above
[x] what would you take if you were stuck on a deserted island?: music and lots of sunscreen.
[x] who would you take to that island if you had to take anyone, dead or alive?: dallas
[x] do you like water?: yea
[x] if your house was on fire and you could only save one thing, what would you save?: shawn e bear..
[x] have you ever said 'i love you' and not meant it?: no way. i don't take those words lightly.
[x] what time is it?: 741pm
[x] what time did you wake up this morning?: 930
[x] who would you trade places with for a day?: someone who didn't live here.
[x] have you ever been told you look like a celebrity?: you know, cause this one time, at band camp...yeah. allyson hannigan.
[x] what are you looking forward to?: valentine's day.
[x] what are you scared of: never amounting to anything.
last time you've...
[x] cried: last night.
[x] bought something: this morning.
[x] gotten sick: no idea.
[x] eaten: half hour ago
[x] been kissed: saturday morning.
[x] felt stupid: when dennis cornered me
[x] wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: never. i always say how i feel.
[x] talked to someone you have a crush on: nope
[x] had a serious talk: everyday of my life.
[x] missed someone: every monday through friday...til i can be in shawn's arms again. and i miss dennis already..and i miss my friends at home..and i miss my dallas..and i miss david.
social life
[x] girlfriend: nope. i'm straight.
[x] what type of automobile do you drive: sebring convertible
[x] would you rather be with friends or on a date: both.
[x] do you have a job: yup
[x] do you attend church: i do not need someone to tell me how to worship god.
[x] do you like being around people:most of the time.
[x] have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: nope
[x] have you ever lied to your best friend: nope. there's no point in that.
[x] ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you: YES. oh god yes. but i won't.
[x] rather have a relationship or a "hookup": relationship. i'm passed the hookup stage.
[x] want someone you don't have right now: sure...who hasn't?
[x] ever liked your best girl friend: um...no.
[x] do you want to get married: yes
[x] do you want kids: yes boy and two girls.
[x] what is your favorite part of your physical appearance: my eyes.
[x] what is your favorite part of your emotional being: oh god...nothing. i'm so unstable.
[x] are you happy with yourself: for the most part.
[x] are you happy with your life: for the most part
[x] if you could change something in your life right now, what would it be: i wouldn't live here.
[x] a compliment you got that made you blush: "Face it, you're hot" "I can't keep my eyes off you" "You're amazing." "I missed you so much"
[x] you get embarrassed when: guys hit on me.
[x] upsets you: disrespect.
last...
[x] person you've called: shawn
[x] person who's called you: shawn
[x] person who's used your phone: me
[x] person you've told a secret to: i don't share my secrets.
[x] tv show you've watched: charmed.
[x] person you were thinking of: everyone from home.
[x] person you kissed: shawn.
do...
[x] you have a boyfriend or girlfriend: yes
[x] you believe in on line dating: no
[x] others find you attractive: they seem to.
[x] you want more piercings: no
[x] you want more tattoos: no
[x] you do drugs: no
[x] you like cleaning: no
[x] you like roller coasters: yes
[x] you write in cursive or print: mostly cursive.
for or against...
[x] long distance relationships: no thank you.
[x] using someone: no ma'am
[x] suicide: no way. there's always something to live for.
[x] killing people: no way. that's suicide for you and homicide at the same time.
[x] teenage smoking: keep me away from the cancer sticks.
[x] doing drugs: no
[x] driving drunk: nope
[x] gay/lesbian relationships: to each his own.
favorite...
[x] food: italian
[x] song: since you been gone...duh
[x] thing to talk about: ground round
[x] drinks: bellini iced tea
[x] movies: centerstage, billy madison, bruce almighty, too many to count really
[x] holiday: st patty's day.
yes or no:
[x] you keep a diary: yes
[x] you like to cook: contrary to popular belief, yes.
[x] you have a secret you have not shared with anyone: oh yeah
[x] you talk in your sleep: no
[x] you set your watch a few minutes ahead: no.
[x] you believe in love: absolutely
number...
[x] of times I have had my heart broken?: 3
[x] of hearts I have broken?: 0
[x] of times I have been in love: 3
[x] of continents I have lived in? 1
[x] of people I consider my enemies?: 0
[x] of cd's that I own?: a lot.
[x] of scars on my body?: 1
[x] of things in my past that I regret?: too many.
who do you want to...
[x] kill: no one
[x] slap: no one
[x] look like: me...i have no complaints with that.
[x] be like: i'm fabulous the way i am.
[x] talk to offline: everyone from home. and shawn
- last things.
[last word you said] whatever
[last song you sang] always---JBJ
[last thing you laughed at] movie quotes.
[last time you said 'i love you'] about an hour ago
[last time you cried] last night.
- present.
[what color socks are you wearinq] black
[current annoyance] this whole friggin' housing arrangement.
[current book] iwtv..already said that..
[current favorite article of clothing] chilly willy shirt.
[favorite place to be] in bed
[least favorite place] here
[strong in mind or strong in body] a little bit of both.
[time you wake up in the morning]depends
[favorite color] blue.
[do you believe in an afterlife] yupp
[how tall are you] 5'3
[current favorite words/sayings] yo..i'm right on top of that rose![favorite season] spring.
[one person you wish was here right now] shawn
[favorite day] saturday
- past.
[kinderqarten teacher's name]Mrs.McGinnis
[1st qrade teacher's name] Mrs.Kinsella
[2nd qrade teacher's name] Mrs.Hillyer
[3rd qrade teacher's name] Miss Marotta
[4th qrade teacher's name] MrS.Keating
[5th qrade teacher's name] Mrs. Hopkins
[6th qrade teacher's name] Mr. Huepfel.
[7th qrade teacher's name] Mr Behm
[8th qrade teacher's name] Mrs.Morris
- present.
[in cd player] JBJ
[on feet] socks?
[under bed] too much.
[what time you qot up] 930.....
[time it is now] 758
- future.
[you want to qrow up to] be happy
deal job] journalist.
[you want to live] not in jersey.
[number of children you want] 3
[kind of car] i love my car.
- current.
[mood] tired
[music] J B J
[taste] pasta
[hair] down
how's that for boredom?? damnit. i hate it here.
|
|
| i want to be the wind that catches your sail.... |
[28 Dec 2004|08:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
wow....christmas. can i just tell you that i was so surprised by that day? it started off by going to shawn's parents' house for breakfast, and then we went to my parents'house for dinner. my dad was actually very nice to him, and i'm glad. he was nice to me too. and he shook shawn's hand, which was good. that's more than others have gotten out of him. dinner was fantabulous, with the prime rib and homemade cheesecake. loved it. and i loved that shawn spent the whole day with me. jj was kinda a dick, but you know, there's gotta be one in every family, right? every holiday has to have something go wrong with it, or it wouldn't be a holiday. jj just better wise his ass up...goddammit.
*i'm over him. even in my dreams i'm over him. i can't tell you how freaking liberating that is. thank god. go fuck yourself justin. you finally mean nothing to me.
take your records, take your freedom,
take your memories, i don't need them.
i don't care what you do. just leave me out of it. you'll never know what we could have been, or even what we should have been. i'm done.*
-->alas though, i did prove to be an asshole today. god forgive me for the huge mistake that i made today. i regret it immensely, and i will not let that happen again.<--
that's all.
|
|
| i am so effed up... |
[05 Dec 2004|08:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
wow. i never knew that i could be this messed up in my head. seriously. i think about things that happened last year and i'm sad. i thought that by now i'd be way over it. but i'm not. not by a long shot. why do i continue to think about what happened between us? was it really that important to me? well, yeah. i guess it was. and so many thins are different now.
i'm a grownup. a bona fide adult. with a college degree and i'm a manager at a ruby tuesday. i thought that things would be so different by now. but they're not. they're nowhere near where i thought they would be.
i would love nothing more than to go back in time to when my life made sense. when i had my best friends and i was in love with someone who didn't only want sex from me. don't get me wrong, i am hopelessly in love with shawn, but it's as if he has a one track mind. and i don't need that. i need someone who can be comfortable with just sitting around watching a movie as opposed to screwing around all night, ya know?
he starts a new job tomorrow. and where i'm very happy for him, i'm still a little sad. because now i'll see much less of him. no more going down there during the week, because he has to get up way early. i don't know. i know it'll be better for us in the future...but what about now? what happens now when i need someone there because i'm having a bad day?
i don't know if anyone realized it, but i was severely depressed for a while. i mean, yes, i did get up and go to work in the morning, but as soon as i got home, i would sit in my room away from everyone, everything, and just wished that the whole world would go away. and i know that's not going to happen. i've figured that out. and i've accepted that you can't go back to the way things used to be. i just wish i knew what my purpose was.
i miss him. i miss everyone. this sucks.
|
|
| bored.... |
[27 Nov 2004|11:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
i never really feel like writing in here anymore...but i'll do freakin' surveys till my fingers fall off. enjoy.
|
|
| interesting... |
[15 Nov 2004|10:27pm] |
If it has a star, I've done it:
01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink*
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone *
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it*
09. Hugged a tree*
10. Done a striptease*
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea*
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise*
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game*
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables *
19. Touched an iceberg* (at the franklin institute :-P)
20. Slept under the stars*
21. Changed a baby's diaper*
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower*
24. Gotten drunk on champagne*
25. Given more than you can afford to charity*
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope*
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment*
28. Had a food fight*
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill*
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight*
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can*
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy*
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip*
38. Taken an ice cold bath*
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar* (in NYC)
40. Seen a total eclipse* (of the moon...)
41. Ridden a roller coaster*
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days*
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking*
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day*
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment*
48. Had two hard drives for your computer*
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts*
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced*
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied*
53. Had amazing friends*
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales*
56. Stolen a sign*
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip*
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach *
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love* (still kinda heartbroken)
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them.* (LOVE that)
66. Visited Japan
67. Bench pressed your own weight*
68. Milked a cow*
69. Alphabetized your records (CDs)*
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke* (hehehe, Wednesday nites...)
72. Lounged around in bed all day*
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain*
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain*
79. Gone to a drive-in theater*
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it*
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken*
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie*
92. Crashed a party*
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have*
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy*
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch*
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on*
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason*
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything*
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage*
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music*
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand*
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off*
120. Been on a cruise ship*
121. Spoken more than one language fluently*
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone*
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror Show
125. Read - and understood - your credit report*
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy*
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars*
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did*
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over*
134. ...more than once?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking*
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.*
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds not all at once, but after losing, gaining, and then losing again, it adds up*
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback*
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray*
145. Broken someone's heart*
146. Helped an animal give birth* (i miss my oreo :-()
147. Been fired or laid off from a job* (miss the G-Round too)
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle*
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph*
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse*
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train* (well....almost)
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper*
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime*
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about*
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions* (anyone remember Jim?)
175. Gone back to school*
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name technically
178. Petted a cockroach* (ricky the roach!!! Blech...)
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad*
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read*
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them*
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch* (watercolors!)
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt*
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language*
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream*
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196: Dyed your hair*
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199: Written your own role playing game
200: Been arrested
|
|
| interesting... |
[31 Jul 2004|12:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
01. I have kissed someone of the same sex on the lips.
02. I see a therapist.
03. I'm the youngest child.
04. I am drawn to things associated with sadness.
05. I love my gauged earrings.
06. I wear black eyeliner every day.
07. I am extremely influenced by kindness.
08. I love to write, even though I think I suck at it.
09. I can't live without lipgloss.
10. I'm probably emotionally scarred.
11. I lived in Tahoe.
12. I spend money I have.
13. I was in college for over 4 years.
14. I love designer handbags.
15. I've had a concussion before.
16. I'm not good with confrontation.
17. I loved the Backstreet Boys.
18. I have more than a couple horrible memories.
19. I'm addicted to Degrassi.
20. I've tried writing poetry before but it sucked.
21. My first kiss was unexpected.
22. I'm not a fan of rap.
23. I love taking pictures.
24. I hate girls who are fake.
25. I can be mean when I want to.
26. When I allow myself to get close to people, I get very attached.
27. I am bisexual.
28. I have way too many pairs of shoes.
29. I was into Hot Wheels as a child.
30. I dress how I feel that day.
31. My room is painted a color other than white.
32. I cry very easily.
33. I'm always early.
34. I barely ever study for tests.
35. My birthday is my favorite holiday.
36. I have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
37. I am a morning person.
38. I wish I was smarter.
39. I believe that it is wrong to be gay.
40. I don't blame gay people for being gay, its not like they have a choice.
41. No one really knows me.
42. I don't have many bad hair days.
43. I sometimes fight with my parents.
44. I am passionate about my interests.
45. I have had the chicken pox.
46. I'm a hopeless romantic.
47. I feel empty sometimes.
48. I am/was most likely clinically depressed at a point in my life.
49. I am no longer depressed.
50. I am very outgoing.
51. Christmas is my favorite holiday.
52. I can be very insecure.
53. I don't notice it, but I'm told I'm very softspoken.
54. I hate ignorant people.
55. I love the color yellow.
56. I love guys that play the guitar.
57. I state the obvious.
58. I'm a happy person.
59. I have absolutely no self-confidence.
60. i hate to clean my room.
61. ?????????????????
62. I tend to get jealous.
63. I like to play video games.
64. I love John Mayer.
65. I get more upset when I see an animal hurt than a person.
66. I'm a vegetarian/vegan/don't eat beef.
67. I've had a crush on a teacher before.
68. I am too forgiving.
70. I have a good sense of direction.
71. I've never had a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
72. I've played a musical instrument for more than 5 years.
73. I can function perfectly well without a girlfriend/boyfriend.
74. I love kisses on the forehead.
75. I love the color blue.
76. I don't sew.
77. I am not addicted to drugs.
78. I wear contacts.
79. I hate it when people say they hate Bush because he is a moron. Can't you find a better reason?
80. I hate Bush, but I have reasons to justify it.
81. I don't take criticism well. At all.
82. Conformity is stupid.
83. Chris Carrabba is one of the sexiest men alive.
84. So is Conor from Bright Eyes.
85. I love my family.
86. I don't mind getting shots.
87. I am a perfectionist when it comes to certain things.
88. I always wanted to learn to play the drums.
89. I can be too hard on myself.
90. I'm probably going to have premarital sex.
91. I don't like my nose.
92. I am very religious.
93. I still act like a little kid.
94. I am ridiculously indecisive.
95. I believe in a higher power or some form of an afterlife.
96. I love music.
97. I'm in love.
98. I have problems letting go of people.
99. Jesse Lacey writes the most amazing lyrics ever.
|
|
| go fuck yourself. |
[28 Jul 2004|08:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 angry |
] |
you'll get what you want. i promise. just leave me the fuck alone!
*and after this, i'm nothing to you. you no longer exist to me.*
|
|
| i can't control my destiny.... |
[18 Jul 2004|12:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
so what did i do last night? shawn took me into the city and finally saw RENT!! holy shit! fabulous show! i had such a good time! we started off with lunch at ruby's, then we went into the city, went into the wax museum, and then to RENT. our seats were third row, center orchestra. wow. it was the perfect night. and i only thought about justin a few times. i was impressed with myself.
and i've been promoted. go me. i just wish i knew how he was doing. i'll always wonder, ya know? but i have shawn back. and i'm happy with that.
werd.
|
|
| bored...again. |
[20 May 2004|02:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
LAYER ONE:
-- Name: Jessica Lynn Marie Russell
-- Birth date: August 18, 1981
-- Nickname: giggles, sweet pea, bitch, angel...haha
-- Current Location: old bridge, nj
-- Eye Color: blue baby, very blue
-- Hair Color: red red red
-- Height: 5'4
-- Righty or Lefty: righty
-- Zodiac Sign: LEO!!!
LAYER TWO:
-- The shoes you wore today: black and teal old navy flip flops
-- Your weakness: hugs from that person, glasses, goatees, hugh jackman.
-- Your fears: being alone.
-- Your perfect pizza: thin crust extra cheese!
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: absolute happiness.
LAYER THREE:
-- Your most overused phrase on AIM: yo
-- Your thoughts first wake up: "what time is it?"
-- Your best physical feature: eyes
-- Your bedtime: whenever i fall asleep
-- Most missed memory: my hugs from that person...
LAYER FOUR:
-- Pepsi or Coke: diet pepsi
-- McDonald's or Burger King: BK!
-- Adidas or Nike: usually adidas
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: nestea
-- Chocolate or vanilla: usually vanilla
-- Cappuccino or coffee: cappucino
LAYER FIVE:
-- Smoke: eww no...i like my lungs.
-- Cuss: yeah...way too much.
-- Sing: yes... sing well? that's up for debate...
-- Take a shower everyday: yes
-- Have a crush(es): no. not really.
-- Do you think you've been in love: yes
-- Want to go to college: been there, done that. got the tshirt.
-- Like(d) high school: i loved it. and sometimes i wish i could go back in time to do it all again..because i'd make a lot of different choices.
-- Want to get married: yes...by the time i'm 27
-- Believe in yourself: not usually
-- Get motion sickness: nope
-- Think you're attractive: eh. other people tend to think so.
-- Think you're a health freak: um...no.
-- Get along with your parents: my mom, yes. my dad...well, both of them suck.
-- Play an instrument: not anymore, no.
LAYER SIX:
In the past month...
-- Drank alcohol: oh lord yes
-- Smoked: nope
-- Done a drug: nope
-- Made Out: oh yeah
-- Gone on a date: yup
-- Gone to the mall?: every day of my life.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: nope
-- Eaten sushi: that would be never.
-- Been on stage: sadly, no.
-- Been dumped: nope
-- Gone skating: nope
-- Made homemade cookies: nope
-- Gone skinny dipping: that would also be never... i'm not an exhibitionist
-- Dyed your hair: nope
-- Stolen anything: no way
LAYER SEVEN:
Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: nah
-- If so, was it mixed company: n/a
--Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: not in the last few hours.
-- Been caught "doing something": caught? no.
-- Been called a tease: yup =)
-- Gotten beaten up: nope
-- Shoplifted: no
-- Changed who you were to fit in: no. i'm fabulous the way that i am.
LAYER EIGHT:
-- Age you hope to be married: 27 or before
-- Numbers and Names of Children: 2 or 3... dakota ryan, kearra michelle, jendra marie
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: fairy tale all the way! i want to be romantic, in the big white dress with lots of bridesmaids and lots of flowers.
-- How do you want to die: happy and fulfilled
-- Where you want to go to college: wanted to go to ASU
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: no effing clue...and i'm already grown up...:-/
-- What country would you most like to visit: ireland!!
LAYER NINE:
-- Best eye color? i'm a fan of the blue...
-- Best hair color? red of course.
-- Short or long hair: short
-- Height: taller than me
-- Best weight: big enough to cuddle with but not so heavy that he crushes me...hehe
-- Best articles of clothing: turtleneck sweaters.
-- Best first date location: the shore. that's the best any date location, i swear.
-- Best first kiss location: after holding hands on the couch....watching spaceballs.
LAYER TEN:
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: 3
-- Number of CDs that I own: no idea
-- Number of piercings: 2
-- Number of tattoos: none yet... still...
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? iunno... a bunch, for stupid little stuff
-- Number of cars your family own: 4
|
|
| I'm in DALLAS! |
[14 Apr 2004|05:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
oh my god! freaking awesome! i'm having such a great time. justin's family is fabulous, and i'm having so much fun. he bought me roses, took me sightseeing, and hugs me whenever i want. and i absolutely love the girls.
tomorrow is so not going to be easy. just ask me to stay. say the word, and i'm yours.
|
|
| 6 days.... |
[06 Apr 2004|09:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
it's coming! closer and closer! i can't freakin' wait! just hug me justin, that's all i want. that's all i need. ever.
|
|
| 11 days.... |
[01 Apr 2004|01:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
i get to see him in 11 days! i can't wait. i know that i've been saying that a lot lately and that's all that i've been talking about, but i can't help it. i miss him so much. and i can't wait until i can just hug him until i feel better. i love the guy! and i can't help that either. that's gonna be my downfall. i know it. and i know that i'm not going to want to leave him again. i don't think that i can take losing him all over again. so what do i do about that?
|
|
| 13 days!!! |
[30 Mar 2004|01:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
i will be in dallas in 13 days! i can't wait to see him! we talked for a long time last night...til the sun came up. he says he's just as afraid as i am to see each other again. he doesn't want to have to let me go all over again. and that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. he called me baby all night...and i realized that i want to be with him more than anything in the world. i just don't know what to do.
|
|
| and the countdown ensues.... |
[26 Mar 2004|10:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
16 days! i will be in Dallas, seeing my justin in 16 days! i am so unbelievably excited! i just want to see his face and hug him for a few minutes! i've never been there, and i'm sure that he'll show me a good time while i am there.
however, this trip will be closure for me.
--either i have him as mine....
--or i sever all contact.
because my mind is telling me that i love him and that i want to be with him forever, but i cannot have him as just my friend. i don't have it in me. right now, i can say that because he's so far away, but i know that when i see his face again, it'll make my decision. will i stay if he asks me to?
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I WILL!
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